Why Here, Why Now?

I crave connection.
I crave communication + storytelling.

I crave wisdom + learning.

I crave community + friendship.

But right now, something is missing.

I feel like that charge of connection is missing for all of us since the pandemic.

We all suffered immense trauma over the last year that I feel like nobody is talking about.

Whether we were alone or with family - we all lost connection.

That has been pulling me to get serious about my decade long dream of opening up my own studio. That studio is where I envision myself building these new connections in this strange new place I call home after 40 years in MN.

Instead, I have been suffering from a debilitating internal dialogue of meanness that has been preventing me from going after my dreams. It has kept me hostage for the last decade.

My brain has a funny habit of using my own fears against me to prevent me from happiness. I know that this is a long standing issue that can be chalked up to PTSD + the effects of severe developmental trauma - but the mind is funny like that. It likes to self sabotage and tell me stories and lies. Trauma loves to isolate you - afterall it is the reptilian part of your brain trying to keep you safe from harm. The thing is; there is nothing in my life left that is trying to harm me still. So why can’t I shut the asshole in my head up?

I have taught my yoga students that life begins outside the feelings of comfort. When you move beyond your edge - that is the sweet spot where growth happens. I am trying to crunch through my own teachings as I sit here on a Monday evening feeling down, inadequate, and disconnected from any sort of community here in CO.

I am grappling with my own edges while trying to start a community amongst strangers. My own insecurities are ever present as I compare what others have already built and I am left to question: who am I to start this at a ripe age of 42?

I play these certain stories over and over again in my mind that keep me small:

You aren’t smart enough.
Nobody likes you.
You are such an inconvenience.
You don’t deserve to be happy.
You aren’t deserving of love.
You are fat.
You're ugly.
Nobody wants to hear your truth.
Why would anyone want to take a retreat with you?
You could never run a business.
Your needs don’t matter.
You are an awful mother, daughter, sister.
Nobody will love you for you.
You are too fat for love.
You cannot let anyone see the real you.
I will be hurt if I open up to others.
You cannot be free to be you, you must perform to make others happy.
You cannot be soft.
You have to always be strong.
You have nothing important to say.
Why would anyone care what you have to say?
You are unlovable.

Sometimes I feel so alone in the world with my thoughts.
Ever since moving across the country during a pandemic, something has been missing.
My spark that is ignited through connection has diminished.

I am craving connection.
I am craving learning.
I can’t be the only one who speaks to myself this way?
Or am I?!?

The little assholes that live in our head become larger and larger when we give it strength by listening to the stories that keep us small. Trauma makes these voices larger and more obnoxious when we listen to them and validate the danger as true. However, this is where my teacher's teachings come into play: I have to move past the thoughts and put myself out there beyond my edge.

Everyone feels insecure. Inadequate. Not good enough.

But we must push past these feelings and move into the unknown. We must move beyond our edge of comfort and find connection in discomfort. That is why creating the Connection Co+Op is so important to me.

I want to create a space where community can be built through bringing humans to their edge in a safe environment. Where we can support our community by holding a sacred space that listens, engages and offers connection to one another through the ups and downs of the human condition. The good cannot be known without acknowledging the bad. It is crucial to create connections that foster healing, growth, and support. By vocalizing our inadequacies and sharing them with our community, we know we are not alone. We know we are supported and loved unconditionally for being vulnerable and human.

At The Connection Co+Op, we believe in the transformative power of yoga and mindfulness practices in addressing and healing trauma. There is a profound relationship between trauma, yoga, and the concept of connection. Yoga can be a powerful tool for healing and building connections within ourselves and with others.

Trauma:

As we look to understand our collective traumas, let’s define trauma. Trauma is an experience that overwhelms our ability to cope and leaves a lasting impact on our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It can result from a variety of events, such as accidents, abuse, loss, or even chronic stress. Trauma disrupts our sense of safety and connection, leaving us feeling fragmented and isolated. However, through yoga, we can begin to rebuild those connections and restore our sense of wholeness. That is where The Connection

Co+Op comes into play.

The Yoga of Connection:

Yoga is much more than physical exercise; it is a holistic practice that integrates mind, body, and spirit. By engaging in yoga, we learn to reconnect with ourselves, our bodies, and the present moment. The foundation of yoga lies in cultivating connection, both internally and externally. When breathing and moving in community - it allows us to build connections with other humans that practice and sweat alongside us each and every week. Yoga is a powerful way to build community and to hold space for our collective traumas.

Let's explore the ways in which yoga can support trauma healing through connection.

Connection with the Body:

Trauma can often lead to a disconnection from the physical body. Yoga offers a safe space to reconnect with our bodies, allowing us to develop body awareness, release tension, and cultivate a sense of embodiment. Through mindful movement, breathwork, and poses, we can gradually restore a sense of safety and trust in our bodies, fostering a deeper connection with ourselves.

Connection with the Breath:

The breath is an invaluable tool for healing trauma. It serves as a bridge between the mind and body, anchoring us in the present moment. In yoga, we learn to deepen and regulate our breath, activating the body's relaxation response and soothing the nervous system. By consciously connecting with the breath, we develop a powerful tool for self-regulation and emotional healing.

Connection with the Mind:

Trauma often leaves a profound impact on our mental and emotional well-being, leading to anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. Yoga offers a path to reconnect with our minds, promoting mental clarity, emotional resilience, and self-compassion. Through mindfulness practices, meditation, and self-reflection, we can develop a deeper understanding of our thoughts and emotions, facilitating healing and personal growth.

Connection with Others:

Healing from trauma can be a transformative journey that benefits from a supportive community. At The Connection Co+Op, we foster spaces for womxn's healing circles, workshops, and retreats, providing an opportunity to connect with others who share similar experiences. Sharing our stories, practicing yoga together, and engaging in mindful dialogue can create a sense of belonging and support, strengthening our healing process.

Trauma can be a deeply isolating experience, but through the practice of yoga and cultivatingconnection, we can begin to heal and reclaim our sense of wholeness. By fostering connection with our bodies, breath, minds, and others, we create a nurturing environment for trauma recovery and personal growth. At The Connection Co+Op, we invite you to embark on this transformative journey of healing, finding solace in the power of yoga and the profound connections it offers.

Remember, you are not alone.
Remember, your asshole in your head is not right.
Don’t let your self dialogue and stories keep you small.
We need to step out of our comfort zone, come to our edge and move past the fear.
I am going to do my damndest to move past my fears and stories that keep me small.
I am going to continue putting myself out there and acknowledging that I am scared.
I am going to acknowledge that I don’t think I am good enough.
I know that others feel this way too.
I know we need connection and support to heal.

Building this community is more important than self doubt and fear.

Together, we can heal, grow, and thrive through The Connection Co+Op.